Warning signs for neighbours, friends, and families
Reprinted from the Neighbours, Friends and Families Campaign
RECOGNIZE that a neighbour, friend or family may be involved in an abusive relationship
RECOGNIZE that a neighbour, friend or family may be involved in an abusive relationship. You might also notice these signs in a co-worker. See the indications of abuse. Here are some warning signs to look for:
- She may be apologetic and makes excuses for his behaviour or becomes aggressive and angry
- She is nervous about talking when he’s there
- She seems to be sick more often and misses work
- She tries to cover her bruises
- She makes excuses at the last minute about why she can’t meet you or she tries to avoid you on the street.
- She seems sad, lonely, withdrawn and is afraid
- She uses more drugs or alcohol to cope
Visible warning signs that may indicate an abusive temperament
Someone who is behaves abusively may try to present himself in a positive light. He may seem like a ‘nice guy’ sometimes. Below are some visible warning signs that may indicate an abusive temperament:
- He puts her down
- He does all the talking and dominates the conversation
- He checks up on her all the time, even at work
- He tries to suggest he is the victim and acts depressed
- He tries to keep her away from you
- He acts as if he owns her
- He lies to make himself look good or exaggerates his good qualities
- He acts like he is superior and of more value than others in his home
Signs of high risk
THE DANGER may be greater if:
- She has just separated or is planning to leave
- She fears for her life and for her children’s safety or she cannot see her risk
- She is in a custody battle, or has children from a previous relationship
- She is involved in another relationship
- She has unexplained injuries
- She has no access to a phone
- She faces other obstacles (e.g. she does not speak English, is not yet a legal resident of Canada, lives in a remote area)
- She has no friends or family
- He has access to her and her children
- He has access to weapons
- He has a history of abuse with her or others
- He has threatened to harm or kill her if she leaves him: He says "If I can't have you, no one will."
- He threatens to harm her children, her pets or her property
- He has threatened to kill himself
- He has hit her, choked her
- He is going through major life changes (e.g. job, separation, depression)
- He is convinced she is seeing someone else.
- He blames her for ruining his life
- He doesn’t seek support
- He watches her actions, listens to her telephone conversations, sees her emails and follows her
- He has trouble keeping a job
- He takes drugs or drinks every day
- He has no respect for the law
